How can I love someone who’s never met him?

How can I love someone who’s never met him?

This was up there with one of the first things I said after my Dad died. I was a few months out of a long term relationship and it felt inconceivable that I could ever met someone, fall in love and have a whole life with someone that would never know a huge part of who I am, my Dad.

This is a thought I have recently remembered. This year will be 10 years since Dad died. Next year I will be marrying the love of my life, Adrian.

I remeber in those first few weeks how disoriented I felt. The world kept moving but mine, and my families, was stood still. We became an even tighter family unit, spending that first year going through so many firsts. After 6 months I moved to a new city, living in the first place dad would never visit, and a month later I met Adrian. Contrary to dating “rules” I was very open about Dad very quickly and I couldn’t have asked for a more supporting human in Adrian. I am personally someone who likes to go through the pain in order to loudly remember the memories, highs and lows. This isn’t for everyone and I respect that. From Day one Adrian was on board and made it his mission to learn about Dad, laugh with me as I remembered some funny Dad stories and held me when I relived his illness and losing him.

I’ve now lived more places that Dad hasn’t visited than has. I’ve achieved things I’ll never get to share with him. I’m in a new decade (30’s …woah!) that Dad has never known me in. I’ve got engaged and am planning a wedding day. SPOILER – it hurts.

I’m not always great at letting my guard down, I’ve inherited my Dad’s love of humour, but I want to be honest. It absolutely sucks. I wish Dad was here. There’s so much I’d tell him and I just know he’d LOVE Adrian.

Why the heck am I telling you all this? Well I’m not entirely sure but sometimes it’s nice to know you aren’t alone, so if you’ve lost someone and you miss them and find it hard to keep moving on with life, then don’t feel like you have to push that away….it sucks.

My biggest tip that helps me? Keep bringing them along with you. Look at their pictures, talk about them, funny story’s or even the things about them that was sooooo annoying! Find a way to celebrate them. Dad loved a twix, so sometimes when I want to feel close to him, I’ll buy one! We had a joke that when Dad asked where we wanted Gravy on a roast, and we said everywhere, he would reply “what about your head?” And he said it enough times that we would start staying “everywhere except my head” to avoid it. My wonderful Adrian knows this and now it’s become a funny ritual in our home.

Adrian’s Dad also passed away a couple of years after we got together and I feel so lucky to have known him. We have ways we remeber him too, beach day visits with sandwiches and tea in the boot of the car!!

While Adrian never got to meet my Dad, it feels like he knew him. I am lucky to have a wonderful partner who has taken the time to learn about Dad but I urge you, share the memories, keep them alive in your heart and laughter.

10 years and life looks different, I would love to go back and show me that life will be beautiful again, with Dad watching over me❤️